Lyn Smith

Marriage for the Long Haul

Jennifer and Marc. Maria and Arnold. Katy and Russell. Kim and Kris. Demi and Ashton. Zooey and Ben. Sinead and Barry. And now …

Heidi and Seal.

I have to admit, that one surprised me. Not because I have personal opinions about either one of them, but because of their ongoing open affection and verbal proclamations of love. There were no “rumors,” which we typically begin hearing before a split. In public perception anyway, it came out of the blue. 

We know, however, that personal meltdowns never come out of the blue. Sin simmers. Thoughts percolate. It can take quite awhile to reach full boil. Most of us are pretty good at keeping it private until we’re boiling over for all to see. 

The reason Heidi and Seal have given is that they grew apart. That doesn’t make sense in light of the interviews they’ve given for the past seven years but considering their careers, it seems reasonable (although I suspect there’s more to it).

Here’s the thing … marriage is a covenant relationship. Covenants cannot be broken. God set that up. He is the covenant keeping God. He sets the standard and the pattern for our relationship with Him and our relationship with our spouse. Both are binding. 

The reality of marriage is, the two individuals grow and change over the years. They don’t always grow at the same rate or in the same direction. So yes, it can feel like we grow apart. It’s a whole lot easier to leave than to do the hard, painful work of growing back together. When you’re looking at someone who feels like a stranger, the last thing you want to do is talk about it. It’s too much work!

But here’s the secondary thing … integrity. My choice to stick to the covenant I made is my bottom line integrity. It doesn’t matter how I feel or what I want. What matters is what I promised to God and before God. My husband and I are not perfect. We make mistakes. Yet, as far as covenant keeping goes, that doesn’t matter either. 

I’m not talking about abuse. And I’m not talking to people who have gone through the pain of divorce. That situation, healing and restoration is between you and God. I’m not here to make you feel guilty. I’m talking to married people and those considering getting married.

It’s pretty much guaranteed your marriage will go through choppy waters, because we are flawed and life is hard. Ideally, we stay giddily in love and happily work through problems together. But if you’re not in that 1% of marriages, then make sure you know what your bottom line commitment is before God. That way, if you “grow apart” you will do the hard work of growing back together. 

Remember, God’s plan for us includes suffering. Sometimes the greatest and most meaningful suffering occurs in our marriage.

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